Just Do Better

Happy New Year and all that great stuff!  Can we please go ahead and discuss this notion of what people call communication or effectively communicating!?  Ugh!  The frustration is almost  . . . almost unbearable. But, there is this great thing called blogging that allows us writers to scribe whatever the hell we so please. So let’s dig right in, shall we . . .

DO NOT communicate with me in third person! This means via your Facebook status or any other form of social media (pick one).  There are these things called cell phones (and house phones) if you still possess one, that you MUST pick up and use to call me to express your train of thought. Then, we can go from there and assess what may or may not be wrong. Don’t make assumptions that my status is about you.  Usually, when you do, that means that you’ve just been run over (hit dog).  If I respect a relationship/friendship enough to call and discuss, then you will too.  It is just one standard that WILL remain a part of my life.

RETURN all phone calls and text within a specific time frame.  Typically this means that you may not want to continually update your social media statuses and then decide to call me back or return my text messages (days or weeks later).  Understandably, our days and life can get the best of us, but in most cases I am being intentionally ignored.  It means only one thing to me: I am not important enough for you to take seconds out of your thumb key typing speed to text or call back (push the green button).

KEEP ALL MOODINESS away from me, specifically as I relish in the contagiousness of my joy.  Recently I’ve had some great things happening in my personal and professional life and I want to shout about these blessings to the world or at least through the phone with those closest to me.  However, if I in anyway, feel as if though your disposition is displeasing and not receptive to listening about my good (no matter if you are going through your bad), I keep it moving. *cue mean mug and deuces*

STOP COMPARING YOUR LIFE TO MY LIFE because they are OBVIOUSLY different.  This means always having to ‘one up’ me in the conversing of damn near everything, from children and education to new blessings and tough fought hardships.  I will always be able to foster creative ways to better myself, therefore, stop trying to infringe upon me your bitter, emotional baggage. Ugh!

Pictured above is the January 2013 affirmation that I wrote across my wine calendar and shall continue to do so for the remainder of this year and those to follow.  Read it and adhere to it, “I determine my own happiness!”  Say it with me now, “I determine my own happiness!”  Hopefully, you all feel a bit better (not bitter) and will first, examine how you can be a better communicator and then, continue checking (constructively, of course) the inconsiderate individuals that refuse to acknowledge their ineffective communication practices. 

You can guarantee to have at least one reflective, motivational, inspirational or how you deem fit to term it, post from me each month as the year progresses with a monthly affirmation written across my wine calendar.

So, just as I started this post, Happy New Year and Salute to effective communication and uncorking new and familiar bottles of wine as well as unpaved  journeys in life.   

Oh and seeing that I am a resilient Falcons fan, Rise the Fudge Up!

Salute, 

San, The Red Head

What are some of your glows and grows of being a great communicator?

From My Core

Time with my family always makes me appreciate more of the outstanding people in my life as well as the great things that I've accomplished. Family is a great support system; however, so are loyal, honest, and irreplaceable friends. I've never restricted family to just a "relation by blood". There happens to be a few crazy people that can put up with my sometimes long-winded nature, pride (don't like sharing if I'm going through), and unorthodox disposition. *wink*

Therefore, from my core I MUST shout out Antonio Daniels, Jennifer Kendricks, and Ebony White.

No matter how much love and SUPPORT you give your friends, they are still human beings.  Some people may modestly say that one shouldn't have to go to such lengths to express how appreciative they are for these friends that are more like family members, but I beg to differ.  I prefer to give those I love their flowers while they are still here.  Some prefer to give shout outs via their Facebook and Twitter statuses and I want to add to all of those, another social media shout out via blog post. LOL!

Here are three things about each of my extended family members. Now whether they want me to share these things with you *shrugging shoulders* . . .

Ebony (Eb)
~ Has served our country in the United States Air Force for several years, including two tours of deployment
~ Funny as hell and has one of the most self-less giving spirits
~ Eats a lot, has two left feet, and is not so good with driving directions

Jennifer (Jenn)
~ An incredible mother to my AJ
~ One of the "shoutingest" <--yeah its a word, friends that I have.
~ Is the other half of Ladies n Libatons and has shared numerous glasses of wine with me as well as concocted many a cocktail 

Antonio (T)
~ Honest without any filter, loves me relentlessly, and is my blogging partner over at Everyday Street Bible.
~ One of the most well researched and smartest men in my life
~  Plays around, but can actually sing. *pssst* He let me hear a recording of him singing in church when he was younger

The aforementioned three ah-mazing people have ALWAYS been there for me when I needed them,  whether via phone call or unwanted personal visits, knows when somethings is wrong even if I say "I'm fine", and have shown me tough love each time by telling me what I need to hear as opposed to what I want to hear.  They are irreplaceable to me and just as important as family.  By all means, please feel moved to share your constants, roots, and pillars of strength that you consider to simply be extended family.  If time permits, uncork a bottle and/or mix up some drinks to enjoy with those same people. If you follow Ladies n Libations on Twitter, use #FromMyCore and let those friends know that they are appreciated by you. From my core; therefore, Tony, Jenn, and Eb  . . . thank you for being more than a friend and adding to loving me like family.

Saluté, 
San, The Red Head

Something IS wrong . . . with YOU

Photo Courtesy This Roller Coaster Called My Life

Right out of the gate, if I have to call you every time to converse or just to say “hey, cat, dog” there is something wrong.  I often state that loyalty is a two-way street and question if people are driving down a one-way.  To my surprise I have experienced a selfish, one-sided friendship that has become more of an association.  It disappoints me to say the least. There are no excuses for not “making the time” to talk with someone that you acclaim is your best friend whether they are of the same or opposite sex.  The elephant in the room is YOU not the friend that you have recklessly tossed to the backburner of your life.  Have you ever had “friends” that are conveniently there and supportive when life is good, but seem to become sparse when life knocks you down.  Friendships should be reciprocal, most specifically those that have been in existence for years.  When you come to a peaceful place of accepting the imperfections of a friend, there should be no unrealistic expectations of your friendship.

I find it absolutely amazing how often people play the victim in a friendship. Thirty-two years has taught me a tough and painful lesson about letting a "friend" screw you over and over and over again.  I am an imperfect individual, however, none of the men and women in MY life that I consider friends/family can ever fix their mouths to say that I:

~Don't support them

~Are jealous of their relationships (ie. marriages, committed, newly involved)

~Distance myself without communication

~Don't share various important aspects of my life

There comes a time when friendship that is aged like a fine wine MUST be reevaluated and uncorked to assess the emotional stakes brought to the table.   Anything that links me to you in friendship, for example, liking my status or checking in on Facebook during outings that you avoid to do, does not reflect poorly on me. It only pronounces how much of an introverted and veiled lifestyle that you live and how you treat what others may call a blessed friendship as one of damnation.

So consider this a rebuttal via one of my social media outlets: blogging, to your third person Facebook and Twitter status.  I have given relentlessly and in such a self-less way. As I am a typical type A personality, I weighed my pros and cons to find that some have exhibited on countless occasions the complete opposite of loving a friend.  When you begin to think, therefore, that something is wrong or weird or different in a friendship, it is, it’s . . . YOU!

Let me end this post by thanking the outstanding women AND men that have been constants in their friendships to me and me to theirs. From my core, I love you ALL!

Have you ever experienced a one-sided friendship? Did they spin the bottle to play victim?

Salute,

San, The Red Head