Just Do Better

Happy New Year and all that great stuff!  Can we please go ahead and discuss this notion of what people call communication or effectively communicating!?  Ugh!  The frustration is almost  . . . almost unbearable. But, there is this great thing called blogging that allows us writers to scribe whatever the hell we so please. So let’s dig right in, shall we . . .

DO NOT communicate with me in third person! This means via your Facebook status or any other form of social media (pick one).  There are these things called cell phones (and house phones) if you still possess one, that you MUST pick up and use to call me to express your train of thought. Then, we can go from there and assess what may or may not be wrong. Don’t make assumptions that my status is about you.  Usually, when you do, that means that you’ve just been run over (hit dog).  If I respect a relationship/friendship enough to call and discuss, then you will too.  It is just one standard that WILL remain a part of my life.

RETURN all phone calls and text within a specific time frame.  Typically this means that you may not want to continually update your social media statuses and then decide to call me back or return my text messages (days or weeks later).  Understandably, our days and life can get the best of us, but in most cases I am being intentionally ignored.  It means only one thing to me: I am not important enough for you to take seconds out of your thumb key typing speed to text or call back (push the green button).

KEEP ALL MOODINESS away from me, specifically as I relish in the contagiousness of my joy.  Recently I’ve had some great things happening in my personal and professional life and I want to shout about these blessings to the world or at least through the phone with those closest to me.  However, if I in anyway, feel as if though your disposition is displeasing and not receptive to listening about my good (no matter if you are going through your bad), I keep it moving. *cue mean mug and deuces*

STOP COMPARING YOUR LIFE TO MY LIFE because they are OBVIOUSLY different.  This means always having to ‘one up’ me in the conversing of damn near everything, from children and education to new blessings and tough fought hardships.  I will always be able to foster creative ways to better myself, therefore, stop trying to infringe upon me your bitter, emotional baggage. Ugh!

Pictured above is the January 2013 affirmation that I wrote across my wine calendar and shall continue to do so for the remainder of this year and those to follow.  Read it and adhere to it, “I determine my own happiness!”  Say it with me now, “I determine my own happiness!”  Hopefully, you all feel a bit better (not bitter) and will first, examine how you can be a better communicator and then, continue checking (constructively, of course) the inconsiderate individuals that refuse to acknowledge their ineffective communication practices. 

You can guarantee to have at least one reflective, motivational, inspirational or how you deem fit to term it, post from me each month as the year progresses with a monthly affirmation written across my wine calendar.

So, just as I started this post, Happy New Year and Salute to effective communication and uncorking new and familiar bottles of wine as well as unpaved  journeys in life.   

Oh and seeing that I am a resilient Falcons fan, Rise the Fudge Up!

Salute, 

San, The Red Head

What are some of your glows and grows of being a great communicator?

Divorce Is Not The Plague

Image via ThisNext

I am divorced and single, however, some circles of friends or should I place them in the associates file, have made the piss poor false pretense that my social status will somehow negatively reflect on their relationships and happiness.  Let me clearly state that I passionately advocate for the power of love and relationships and in no form will ever try to encourage anyone to dissolve a relationship or marriage because I am single.  It makes my eye twitch when I am asked (on several occasions) to attend "certain" gatherings at the last minute as opposed to when the plans are actually made and when I am not invited to social events because I'm currently not arm in arm with a man.

The process of divorce is atrocious and I wouldn't wish it on the most vile of my enemies.  Individuals have been capricious to think that my character *pause* San, would not bounce back or love more.  These false assumptions make me feel some kind of way . . . they hurt, and beckon reflection. I've had time to think (the worst thing you can do is give me time *smirking*) and when I backtracked; situations, statements, and status updates add up and equal to nothing, but falsehoods and ignorant insolence. I know that my divorce was the best decision for me! My health, demeanor, smile, and spirit has positively reflected such.  What I did not expect, however, was the waiver of certain relationships.

I'm divorced, but I'm not plagued!

As favor continues to shower me with success in business and socially, please remember that my disposition has not changed, only the assumptions made have been proven irrevocable.  I figure if you can't rock with me post divorce, why the hell would I want you in my life as I progress in celebrating the good and living the lessons learned from my divorce. 

To those who have rocked with me throughout this entire process without the impromptu focus group on why MY marriage failed and conference calls to determine should we or shouldn't we invite her (don't forget to clear your lines "friends") . . . THANK YOU! You know who you are and I will never forget  the extent of your kindness. I am a woman of my word, consequence or reward.

To the women and men that have experienced divorce, ROCK ON and live your life with little to no qualms about why you do. You will have better than before and the bitter (wavering friendships, family ties, and associations) will no longer have the power to hurt you.    

Saluté, 

San, The Red Head

Clueless

 {via}

This is not a male bashing post.  It is written on behalf of my experience in dating, being married, divorced, and re-entering the ‘single life’.  I titled this post Clueless because it was the only term or phrase that I could use to provoke directly how I feel.  Some of the men and to be frank, boys stuck in adult male bodies (I know…I know what I said “not a male bashing” post) have the slightest idea about being in a relationship with yours truly and some of them sadly have no idea of “how to date” AT ALL.  Before I go pointing fingers, I can assure you that serious self-reflective moments have taken place on various occasions before presuming the aforementioned.  Men, you think that it is frustrating dating us, but what about the underlined questions in dating you.  

I write this to be helpful and not to belittle, but some of you have or know great women that you could “wife” and choose not to do so because of your arrogance, selfishness, and /or guard in protecting your heart.  Clueless as defined by Google is having no knowledge, understanding, or ability.  Truth be spoken, some of you are still attached to former relationships, some are bitter from heartbreak {not all women are the same, so stop medicating old wounds with new love}, some are still attached to their mother with little understanding of not only, how to be in love with a woman, but how to 'be' with a woman, some choose to be a womanizer…you know establishing emotional/physical connections with several women, but never seeking to be monotonous with any of them, some choose to cover their sexual preference for other men with an aggressive and sexual dialogue about what they want others to think they do with women {just be openly gay, love and live your life}, and some of are afraid to exercise vulnerability which handicaps any potential of having a relationship.  

Fellas, when you are staring your ideal women in the face: don’t sleep on it, don’t over analyze it, don’t screw her and the relationship over, and don’t be an asshole. Seize the damn moment!  Take her into her arms, knock on her door until she answers, love her assertively even when she is difficult, and contribute constructively, physically, spiritually, and emotionally to making her a better woman for herself. Do not be clueless! 

Ladies and gentlemen: What characteristics about the opposite sex do you think renders them clueless?

Saluté,

San, The Red Head

The Workout

I'm trying to lose weight. I have to admit, this it the heaviest I've ever been and I cannot stand it.  I’m trying to lose weight. I have to admit, this is the heaviest I’ve ever been and I cannot stand it. It’s so easy to put the weight on, but extremely hard to get it off. I recently bought a treadmill and told myself I would walk on it every day. That was a lie! I do get on and use it, just not as much as I should. I have to give myself credit however; at least I don’t use it to throw my clothes on it. It’s taking me a lot to get motivated and my will power is not the strongest, but I did something today that may not be a big deal to most people, but it was a big step for me, I left my house to workout. See, you have to understand me and my excuses; Yes I said excuses, for not working out. 

First, I don’t want to leave my house to workout because I have to tote my 3 year old son along and he can distract me. Second, it’s either too hot or too cold to go outside and walk. Let’s face it; this Georgia weather can be very tricky.  Third, gym memberships are too expensive and the ones that are affordable, have no options for child supervision. These excuses are just a few I use on a daily basis, so you can see why doing a real workout was a big deal for me. My friend Tranae told me about a group workout, that is free and because it is at a middle school track, the kids can ride their bikes and play freely, but it was outside. I knew I would have to compromise on something, but I actually enjoyed it, not the actual workout itself, but the atmosphere. It started in the early evening, so we had some sun but not too much. We were able to move at our own pace without feeling rushed and even when we did our drills, we all complained a little bit, so I knew I wasn’t the only one sweating and hurting. Everyone was very encouraging of each other and had great personalities. I actually felt good when I left, even though my muscles would disagree. I'll definitely go back, although I won’t be able to go after I get my hair done this week, excuse number four!  I think I’ll have a glass or two of Moscato to celebrate! 

Cheers!!!! 

Jenn