From My Core

Time with my family always makes me appreciate more of the outstanding people in my life as well as the great things that I've accomplished. Family is a great support system; however, so are loyal, honest, and irreplaceable friends. I've never restricted family to just a "relation by blood". There happens to be a few crazy people that can put up with my sometimes long-winded nature, pride (don't like sharing if I'm going through), and unorthodox disposition. *wink*

Therefore, from my core I MUST shout out Antonio Daniels, Jennifer Kendricks, and Ebony White.

No matter how much love and SUPPORT you give your friends, they are still human beings.  Some people may modestly say that one shouldn't have to go to such lengths to express how appreciative they are for these friends that are more like family members, but I beg to differ.  I prefer to give those I love their flowers while they are still here.  Some prefer to give shout outs via their Facebook and Twitter statuses and I want to add to all of those, another social media shout out via blog post. LOL!

Here are three things about each of my extended family members. Now whether they want me to share these things with you *shrugging shoulders* . . .

Ebony (Eb)
~ Has served our country in the United States Air Force for several years, including two tours of deployment
~ Funny as hell and has one of the most self-less giving spirits
~ Eats a lot, has two left feet, and is not so good with driving directions

Jennifer (Jenn)
~ An incredible mother to my AJ
~ One of the "shoutingest" <--yeah its a word, friends that I have.
~ Is the other half of Ladies n Libatons and has shared numerous glasses of wine with me as well as concocted many a cocktail 

Antonio (T)
~ Honest without any filter, loves me relentlessly, and is my blogging partner over at Everyday Street Bible.
~ One of the most well researched and smartest men in my life
~  Plays around, but can actually sing. *pssst* He let me hear a recording of him singing in church when he was younger

The aforementioned three ah-mazing people have ALWAYS been there for me when I needed them,  whether via phone call or unwanted personal visits, knows when somethings is wrong even if I say "I'm fine", and have shown me tough love each time by telling me what I need to hear as opposed to what I want to hear.  They are irreplaceable to me and just as important as family.  By all means, please feel moved to share your constants, roots, and pillars of strength that you consider to simply be extended family.  If time permits, uncork a bottle and/or mix up some drinks to enjoy with those same people. If you follow Ladies n Libations on Twitter, use #FromMyCore and let those friends know that they are appreciated by you. From my core; therefore, Tony, Jenn, and Eb  . . . thank you for being more than a friend and adding to loving me like family.

Saluté, 
San, The Red Head

Something IS wrong . . . with YOU

Photo Courtesy This Roller Coaster Called My Life

Right out of the gate, if I have to call you every time to converse or just to say “hey, cat, dog” there is something wrong.  I often state that loyalty is a two-way street and question if people are driving down a one-way.  To my surprise I have experienced a selfish, one-sided friendship that has become more of an association.  It disappoints me to say the least. There are no excuses for not “making the time” to talk with someone that you acclaim is your best friend whether they are of the same or opposite sex.  The elephant in the room is YOU not the friend that you have recklessly tossed to the backburner of your life.  Have you ever had “friends” that are conveniently there and supportive when life is good, but seem to become sparse when life knocks you down.  Friendships should be reciprocal, most specifically those that have been in existence for years.  When you come to a peaceful place of accepting the imperfections of a friend, there should be no unrealistic expectations of your friendship.

I find it absolutely amazing how often people play the victim in a friendship. Thirty-two years has taught me a tough and painful lesson about letting a "friend" screw you over and over and over again.  I am an imperfect individual, however, none of the men and women in MY life that I consider friends/family can ever fix their mouths to say that I:

~Don't support them

~Are jealous of their relationships (ie. marriages, committed, newly involved)

~Distance myself without communication

~Don't share various important aspects of my life

There comes a time when friendship that is aged like a fine wine MUST be reevaluated and uncorked to assess the emotional stakes brought to the table.   Anything that links me to you in friendship, for example, liking my status or checking in on Facebook during outings that you avoid to do, does not reflect poorly on me. It only pronounces how much of an introverted and veiled lifestyle that you live and how you treat what others may call a blessed friendship as one of damnation.

So consider this a rebuttal via one of my social media outlets: blogging, to your third person Facebook and Twitter status.  I have given relentlessly and in such a self-less way. As I am a typical type A personality, I weighed my pros and cons to find that some have exhibited on countless occasions the complete opposite of loving a friend.  When you begin to think, therefore, that something is wrong or weird or different in a friendship, it is, it’s . . . YOU!

Let me end this post by thanking the outstanding women AND men that have been constants in their friendships to me and me to theirs. From my core, I love you ALL!

Have you ever experienced a one-sided friendship? Did they spin the bottle to play victim?

Salute,

San, The Red Head

Divorce Is Not The Plague

Image via ThisNext

I am divorced and single, however, some circles of friends or should I place them in the associates file, have made the piss poor false pretense that my social status will somehow negatively reflect on their relationships and happiness.  Let me clearly state that I passionately advocate for the power of love and relationships and in no form will ever try to encourage anyone to dissolve a relationship or marriage because I am single.  It makes my eye twitch when I am asked (on several occasions) to attend "certain" gatherings at the last minute as opposed to when the plans are actually made and when I am not invited to social events because I'm currently not arm in arm with a man.

The process of divorce is atrocious and I wouldn't wish it on the most vile of my enemies.  Individuals have been capricious to think that my character *pause* San, would not bounce back or love more.  These false assumptions make me feel some kind of way . . . they hurt, and beckon reflection. I've had time to think (the worst thing you can do is give me time *smirking*) and when I backtracked; situations, statements, and status updates add up and equal to nothing, but falsehoods and ignorant insolence. I know that my divorce was the best decision for me! My health, demeanor, smile, and spirit has positively reflected such.  What I did not expect, however, was the waiver of certain relationships.

I'm divorced, but I'm not plagued!

As favor continues to shower me with success in business and socially, please remember that my disposition has not changed, only the assumptions made have been proven irrevocable.  I figure if you can't rock with me post divorce, why the hell would I want you in my life as I progress in celebrating the good and living the lessons learned from my divorce. 

To those who have rocked with me throughout this entire process without the impromptu focus group on why MY marriage failed and conference calls to determine should we or shouldn't we invite her (don't forget to clear your lines "friends") . . . THANK YOU! You know who you are and I will never forget  the extent of your kindness. I am a woman of my word, consequence or reward.

To the women and men that have experienced divorce, ROCK ON and live your life with little to no qualms about why you do. You will have better than before and the bitter (wavering friendships, family ties, and associations) will no longer have the power to hurt you.    

Saluté, 

San, The Red Head