Something IS wrong . . . with YOU

Photo Courtesy This Roller Coaster Called My Life

Right out of the gate, if I have to call you every time to converse or just to say “hey, cat, dog” there is something wrong.  I often state that loyalty is a two-way street and question if people are driving down a one-way.  To my surprise I have experienced a selfish, one-sided friendship that has become more of an association.  It disappoints me to say the least. There are no excuses for not “making the time” to talk with someone that you acclaim is your best friend whether they are of the same or opposite sex.  The elephant in the room is YOU not the friend that you have recklessly tossed to the backburner of your life.  Have you ever had “friends” that are conveniently there and supportive when life is good, but seem to become sparse when life knocks you down.  Friendships should be reciprocal, most specifically those that have been in existence for years.  When you come to a peaceful place of accepting the imperfections of a friend, there should be no unrealistic expectations of your friendship.

I find it absolutely amazing how often people play the victim in a friendship. Thirty-two years has taught me a tough and painful lesson about letting a "friend" screw you over and over and over again.  I am an imperfect individual, however, none of the men and women in MY life that I consider friends/family can ever fix their mouths to say that I:

~Don't support them

~Are jealous of their relationships (ie. marriages, committed, newly involved)

~Distance myself without communication

~Don't share various important aspects of my life

There comes a time when friendship that is aged like a fine wine MUST be reevaluated and uncorked to assess the emotional stakes brought to the table.   Anything that links me to you in friendship, for example, liking my status or checking in on Facebook during outings that you avoid to do, does not reflect poorly on me. It only pronounces how much of an introverted and veiled lifestyle that you live and how you treat what others may call a blessed friendship as one of damnation.

So consider this a rebuttal via one of my social media outlets: blogging, to your third person Facebook and Twitter status.  I have given relentlessly and in such a self-less way. As I am a typical type A personality, I weighed my pros and cons to find that some have exhibited on countless occasions the complete opposite of loving a friend.  When you begin to think, therefore, that something is wrong or weird or different in a friendship, it is, it’s . . . YOU!

Let me end this post by thanking the outstanding women AND men that have been constants in their friendships to me and me to theirs. From my core, I love you ALL!

Have you ever experienced a one-sided friendship? Did they spin the bottle to play victim?

Salute,

San, The Red Head

Happy Holidays!

We want to take the time to wish everyone, Happy Holidays!  Raise your full glass as you fellowship and celebrate with family and friends this holiday season.  Toast to all that you have overcome, all of the great things that are to happen, and all of the outstanding people who have been there for you.  As you sip on your libations (cocktails or mocktails) know that your perspective matters, place no limits on your dreams and aspirations, and don't do anything under the mistletoe that we wouldn't do *wink*.

Cheers!

~ Ladies n Libations

Don't Force It

Photo courtesy Shepherding the Home

Not all men and women are meant to be friends.  Many relationships at best are defined as associations, work related, or cordial candor.  Friendship is a luxury and must not be handled like you do your tooth brush…you know switching it out every couple of months or so.  The loyalty and heart of a friend should never be acquired out of convenience either.  I have had several years now to experience diverse personalities and demographics of friends.  Nothing like experience to teach you lessons that will stick with you throughout life.  

Here is my concern.  Sometimes friends of friends think that mingling all of their girlfriends together will produce this grand gesture of harmonious, drama free, lifelong acquaintances. Not exactly *blank stare*! Forcing a friendship onto someone is not only annoying, but sometimes it leaves you shining in a poor light.  Infringing connections and forcing them upon others is not only applicable to friendship, but also to boyfriend/girlfriend relationships.  Nothing worse than…

-being in denial that your relationship with someone is over

-pushing to make something work with that “special someone” that is not willing to commit fully to you as you are to them

-wrestling emotionally with the “in your face” evidence and facts that a long-termed relationship or marriage involving children is now…ovah

-and using your bedroom skills to keep the man or woman there with what little physical connection is left….

Hey *holding hands the air* don’t shoot the messenger.  The time and energy we spend in trying to make “that which is not” work with current boyfriends/girlfriends and spouses as well as the comingling of friendships can be exhausting and bare unnecessary emotional weight.  I am penning this blog post because I have been on the offenders’ end of attempting to force A LOVE with a man that was no longer IN LOVE with me.  And the offended end through being shoved by women who meant well, to have Ya-Ya Sisterhood moments {great movie by the way…reminds me of my relationship with my mother} with other females whose names I only learned five minutes prior to wanting to hold  hands and cry together WTH!? *shrugging shoulders*

No! I am not a frigid witch that walks into social situations with friends; mutual and non-mutual wearing a facial expression that gives off the look that something stinks, nor am I discouraging fighting towards make a relationship and/or marriage work.  I am simply stating don’t force that which has expired or shove platonic connections with your girlfriends.  Let chemistry with a current or potential boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse and associations that could develop into a friendship run their course. Just DON’T FORCE IT.

Saluté,

San, The Red Head

Feliz Cumpleaños

Welcome to the magnificent decade of 30!  We want to wish one-third of Ladies n Libations, Tranae, a Happy 30th Birthday. We hope you look as good at 30 as we did. *winking* Love you much!


Your L-n-L sisters, 

Jenn and San

All the Single Mommies

Relationships are definitely not easy, but when a child is involved it becomes even more delicate. We have to be careful of every decision we make.  Making sure that we give our children the right amount of attention and still being able to make time for ourselves to have fun.  As a single mother, I find it especially challenging not to feel guilty when I go out with my friends and leave my child with the sitter. Now let me be the first to say, that I’m a Damn good mother and my son has everything he needs, but I still can’t help but feel some kinda way, when I want to hang out and just be me. I know I’m not the only single parent that feels this way. I know I’m probably over thinking this, but hell, this is what I go through and you probably do too.  

Someone, who shall remain anonymous, once told me that I shouldn’t go out and expect to find someone, especially since I’m already a mother. My response was, when and where in the hell am I supposed to meet someone to potentially spend my life with, if I don’t go out and mingle. Just because I’m a single mother doesn’t mean my life is over. I’m still worthy of true love. However, the problem is finding someone worthy of investing my time. Now don’t get me wrong, when I say worthy…I mean someone who is honest in their intentions. What most men don’t understand is that the stakes are higher for us as single mothers.  

No, I’m not looking for a father or provider for my child because he has one already, however, I have to be careful because I can’t just have any Tom, Dick or Harry or Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky or Mike and Ralph around my child...Bwahahaha! I want someone that’s willing to be serious about our friendship and possible relationship. A person who likes to go out, but also doesn’t mind having my child around once we get to know each other better and who will treat me and my child with kindness and respect.  If I take the time to introduce you to my son, it means that I think very highly of you as a human being. My point is, it’s not easy being a single parent, whether you are mommy or daddy, therefore don’t feel guilty when you step out to have a little adult time, just be careful of who you allow in your life because it’s not just about you anymore.

Cheers, 

Jenn

Clueless

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This is not a male bashing post.  It is written on behalf of my experience in dating, being married, divorced, and re-entering the ‘single life’.  I titled this post Clueless because it was the only term or phrase that I could use to provoke directly how I feel.  Some of the men and to be frank, boys stuck in adult male bodies (I know…I know what I said “not a male bashing” post) have the slightest idea about being in a relationship with yours truly and some of them sadly have no idea of “how to date” AT ALL.  Before I go pointing fingers, I can assure you that serious self-reflective moments have taken place on various occasions before presuming the aforementioned.  Men, you think that it is frustrating dating us, but what about the underlined questions in dating you.  

I write this to be helpful and not to belittle, but some of you have or know great women that you could “wife” and choose not to do so because of your arrogance, selfishness, and /or guard in protecting your heart.  Clueless as defined by Google is having no knowledge, understanding, or ability.  Truth be spoken, some of you are still attached to former relationships, some are bitter from heartbreak {not all women are the same, so stop medicating old wounds with new love}, some are still attached to their mother with little understanding of not only, how to be in love with a woman, but how to 'be' with a woman, some choose to be a womanizer…you know establishing emotional/physical connections with several women, but never seeking to be monotonous with any of them, some choose to cover their sexual preference for other men with an aggressive and sexual dialogue about what they want others to think they do with women {just be openly gay, love and live your life}, and some of are afraid to exercise vulnerability which handicaps any potential of having a relationship.  

Fellas, when you are staring your ideal women in the face: don’t sleep on it, don’t over analyze it, don’t screw her and the relationship over, and don’t be an asshole. Seize the damn moment!  Take her into her arms, knock on her door until she answers, love her assertively even when she is difficult, and contribute constructively, physically, spiritually, and emotionally to making her a better woman for herself. Do not be clueless! 

Ladies and gentlemen: What characteristics about the opposite sex do you think renders them clueless?

Saluté,

San, The Red Head

Short End of the Stick

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Okay "ladies first" so of course Mothers Day comes first on the calendar and in our hearts.  As a mother I can't help but feel the love every May and I do appreciate it.  Now my definition of feel the love is not based on the gifts received, although I DO admit I look forward to the creativity my daughter puts into my gifts every year.  I have realized I lose count after so many strangers pass by saying, “Happy Mother’s Day!”.  They never ask if I am a good mother or have I made the sacrifices needed for my sidekick (my beautiful daughter).  Sometimes she may not even be with me and still random strangers pass by with a smile and send "Happy Mother’s Day" wishes.  I started to wonder if I was wearing a sign on my forehead OR are we more apt to say it just in case when it comes to mother's because we assume they are doing what they need to be doing for their children?  Sunday was Father’s Day as I paid attention to my Facebook and Twitter feeds.  Time and time again I read messages like “Happy Fathers Day to the real fathers” and “Happy Father’s Day to the father’s that are in their children's lives”.  Now don't get me wrong, I am VERY aware there are serious issues when it comes to father’s and the roles they should play in the lives of their children versus what is actually happening, but is it fair to specify the good fathers when offering a Father’s day wish?  Do we make this same separation when it comes to recognizing mothers?  

In my mind Mother’s day is every day for me and I celebrate it as such.  When I look at my healthy child, how proud she makes me, and the blessings He shares with us on a daily basis, I can’t help but smile.  Then I have to remind myself that God chose me to raise her and has given me the strength and means to do it despite the daily obstacles.  So when strangers stop and say, “Happy Mother’s Day” they don't know the half.  I am blessed to have a Dad and step-Dad, wonderful Grandfathers, Uncles, cousins, and male friends that deserve a rousing applause and Fathers Day toast, but I also know plenty that don't.  When you are not there for special events, birthdays, and milestones your child accomplishes, I am reminded of how much these men miss out on daily and for those dad’s, the celebration of fatherhood may only come once a year, if at all.  In all actuality, I have decided I don't have space to block my blessings trying to point fingers at the non deserving and truth be told I know some sorry mothers out there as well.  So next time you choose to give someone a wish like "Happy Father’s Day" concentrate on those you were referring to when you began the thought and less on those who don't fit the bill because chances are, they already know they are not on their game.  

Salud,

Nae

Support Bra

As I sit here in the middle of my bed, it’s 11:24 pm, I’m drinking a glass of wine and talking on Skype to my two best friends Nae and San. I love these conversations, because we honestly start out with a specific purpose, i.e. brainstorming, planning or working, but we end up on another level. We definitely stray away from the plan. But hey, we wouldn’t be friends if we stuck to the subject. It’s moments like these that make us forget the problems in our lives. With all of the trials we face as individuals, it’s very refreshing to have two friends that can make them all go away, even if it’s only for a moment. That’s the true meaning of friendship, having someone that can make you laugh when the skies are raining on your head and you feel like you’re about to drown. We each have reached our own personal breaking points and we lean on each other individually to vent and let it all out, but I believe that it’s when we get together collectively, whether we’re in the same room or on Skype that the magic of our friendship happens. We can take one of our toughest moments and make it into a comedy special and laugh at each other and ourselves until that moment seems so long ago. I thank God everyday for these two ladies, their my BRA’s and with these 42DDs, I definitely need a lot of support!!

Cheers,

Jenn